Money Confessions: My friends’ idea of a Euro trip is going to send me broke…

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Welcome to Money Confessions, where You’re in Good Company community members submit the money dilemmas that oh so many of us are experiencing, yet struggling to talk about.

This week, we’re talking to a soon-to-be Euro traveller about how to tell her friends that her budget can’t keep up with their plans…

If you’ve got a money dilemma, we’d love to hear from you! Just hit reply to this email or DM us at @yigcpodcast on IG or TikTok and you may just find your dilemma featuring in a future newsletters (anonymously of course).

Hi Mads and Soph,

I saw Soph speaking about the cost of travel on your IG last week and it hit home for me…

I’m currently planning a Euro trip with friends which has honestly been a mix of exciting and kind of stressful. A lot of my friends are paid a fair bit more than me, and I’ve also just finished paying off some personal debt so I haven’t been feeling 100% on top of my money. The Euro trip was always on the cards, so I’ve been putting away an amount every month, but the group I’m travelling with are often suggesting accommodation much nicer than I anticipated (my friends are finding the coolest Airbnbs) but it’s all starting to fall outside my expected price range. Plus, they’re already starting to book some pretty nice places for dinners, etc. that have been flooding our TikToks. On top of all of this, I also just had a rent increase, so everything is just feeling very overwhelming, and I’m feeling like I’m in too deep to say anything!! 

I don’t want to bring down how excited everyone is about the cool places we will be staying in, and I’m nervous about suggesting cheaper alternatives for dinners and activities, as I feel like this could just bring down the mood of the trip. I’m really at a loss about how to navigate this without putting myself in a difficult financial situation or causing friction within the group. Do you have any tips on how I can bring this up with friends and manage their expectations (something I feel like I should probably do before we head off) so I can alleviate some of my stress, but still plan an amazing time that is within my budget? 

YIGC community member

First of all, this is something we’ve both experienced, and likely a feeling that many people can resonate with. I can distinctly remember being at a bar once whilst travelling in Italy… picture the beautiful backdrop of Positano, looking over the most spectacular Italian coast as the sun was setting, with a great group of girlfriends… but the problem: the cheapest glass of wine was 16 euros (mamma mia indeed).

So instead of getting around the summer anthem of the time (Cold Heart, Dua Lip (PNAU remix) - on repeat), I was sitting there, annoyed at myself for not bringing up a cheaper alternative (i.e. drinks on the balcony with some fresh baguette and cheap rose). I now was sitting at a bar with one of the most beautiful backdrops you’ve ever seen and all I could think about was money! And it’s probably just as crappy for my friends having to watch me drink wine at snails’ pace, when really, they want to see me dancing on tables.

All of this to say, you’re ahead of the curve just by thinking about starting this conversation prior to the trip. This is compared to many people who’ve wondered into friends’ trips without communicating their budget, and either felt anxious about money while on the holiday (case and point above) or in many cases gone into debt in order to keep up appearances… because little did we know, 1 in 3 people go to debt to take a summer holiday!!

The core of the dilemma here is that the planning phase of a trip with friends who have different financial situations is challenging. Everyone has been saving up to experience a new part of the world and make incredible memories, which can look really different for each person. One might value seeing multiple places and therefore wants to book flights over trains, whilst the other might value museums and walks compared to trying the best Steak Frites. So regardless of budget, each person will have different wants, meaning the conversation should be had anyway.

As you so eloquently put it, you want to strike the balance of enjoying the experience without feeling like you’re being a burden or bringing down the excitement, so how do we start this conversation prior to zipping up the suitcase?

To help you do just that, we reached out to Gyan Yankovich, author of Just Friends and expert on friendship (in our humble opinion!) for her tips and tricks on how best to manage the situation…

• Consider talking to one friend, who you feel most comfortable with, before speaking to the rest of the group. Feeling like you have someone who understands where you're coming from should make speaking up feel less stressful, even if it's just by them jumping in to heart-react your message in the group chat as soon as you send it.

• Offer to help find some more affordable alternatives yourself. Organising a holiday involves so much admin, there's a chance your friends are jumping on some of the most expensive things because they're also easiest to find.

• Think about what you might be happy to miss out on. Obviously it will be hard having the group do anything without you, but if there's an event or dinner you'd be happy to skip, be sure to let them know. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a few meals or nights apart. 

• Make sure to provide any context about your own financial situation before you jump to conclusions about your friends'. You only really understand what's going on with your finances, so present that information before you start making any comparisons with other people.

• Have faith that your friends will want the best for you. Keeping this fact in mind will hopefully give you some confidence to be honest about what's making you feel nervous ahead of the holiday.

And from personal experience, if you find yourself on the other side of these conversations, our advice is to drop any judgement. Be receptive to alternatives but also make your friend aware of your ‘must haves’ so you both know where one another stand. This might mean that sometimes you take a good book or your best people watching skills to that expensive restaurant and enjoy that Steak (hey, you might meet a cute French lover or a new friend to tag along for travel activities).

A big thank you to our YIGC community member for sharing this dilemma. Your openness and willingness to engage in these tricky conversations with us means a lot.

And thank you to Gyan for contributing to this week’s newsletter (her book Just Friends is amazing and everyone should read it). And if you’d like to hear more from Gyan, you’re in luck! Tune into tomorrow’s episode where we discuss the cost of friendship - including everything from making new friends, friendship breakups, and how to have more open conversations with your friends about money.

Until next week,
Maddy and Soph x