Money Confessions: My friends won’t stop talking about promotions and pay rises

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Welcome to Money Confessions, where You’re in Good Company community members submit the money dilemmas that oh so many of us are experiencing, yet struggling to talk about.

This week, we’re discussing the best ways to navigate chatting about career progression with your friends in different industries, and how we can reduce the feelings of comparison that can arise when talking about how much we earn.

If you’ve got a money dilemma, we’d love to hear from you! Just hit reply to this email or DM us at @yigcpodcast on IG or TikTok and you may just find your dilemma featuring in a future newsletters (anonymously of course).

Hey Mads & Soph,

I've been struggling with something lately, and am in need of some advice…
As much as I love hearing about my friends’ career successes, I've been feeling a bit out of place in our recent conversations about promotions, pay rises, and bonuses.

Despite working harder than ever this year, and having managed to rise to quite a senior position in my company as a result, we have been told that there will be little-to-no salary increases and no promotions. On top of this, the benefits are also pretty minimal… I know it sounds silly but I always feel a little jealous of the snack cupboards my friends talk about at their companies (lol), or more realistically the dinners and Ubers they get when working late.

It's honestly been disheartening to watch everyone around me planning their promotion chats and discussing the bonuses they expect (less than usual because of the economy but still promising decent for retention) whilst I sit on the sidelines, unable to contribute to the discussion. I think this feeling has probably intensified as I've entered my late twenties/early thirties, as it’s a phase where financial stability and career progress feel increasingly important.

I’m realising that I may have chosen a career path that will probably never offer the same financial benefits as many of my friends, which is ok but the comparison element has been pretty hard.

Any advice for how to improve my situation? How can I discuss this topic with my friends without dampening the mood or causing tension?

Sincerely,
Just Looking For A Snack Cupboard xx

This is a very topical dilemma, particularly given we are at the time of year where a lot of promotion and pay rise chat is occurring. First of all, we want to acknowledge that it’s amazing that your group of friends are able to speak openly and honestly about these topics - promotion chats, expectations for a pay rise, planning for conversations with your boss... So often we underestimate the power of having these conversations with our friends and how much we can learn from each other.

That said, we can totally understand the feelings of frustration that might arise with being a part of these conversations, but feeling like you’re unable to contribute! As two people that currently work in large organisations where the snack cupboard is alive and well, we are often reminded by our friends in other industries, such as healthcare or small businesses, just how lucky we are.

The career comparison trap can be a tricky one to navigate, and first and foremost we want to acknowledge that its great you’ve chosen a career path you actually like and aren’t solely focused on the financial benefits. But as always, we’ve found being open and honest with your friends about where you’re at and how you’re thinking about your situation to be the most helpful approach.

Picking your moment is important, as you’ve acknowledged, you don’t want to dampen the mood or make your friends think you’re not happy for them. But there’s a lot to be gained out of sharing your situation with your friends and seeking their advice... This can be as simple as sharing where you’re at, which at a minimum will help them to be more aware of how you’re thinking and feeling about everything. So often, we get caught up in our own situations and can forget to consider how the people around us might be thinking.

You could also seek your friends’ advice on how to improve your situation. If you’re feeling frustrated with where you’re at in terms of pay or career progression, they may have experience with how to better understand where you sit within the industry you’re in… Perhaps you could speak to a recruiter to see if your situation is consistent across the market (or more reflective of the business you’re in). They could even encourage you to consider freelancing, that way you can set your own rules and can work hard to ensure you get the financial rewards you deserve. Don’t underestimate the power of the collective group to come up with creative ways to help improve your situation. They may just help find you your first client!

And of course, it’s also fine if you’re just not up for these conversations at the moment. For more on this, we asked financial therapist Lindsay Byran-Podvin, founder of @mindmoneybalance, and author of The Financial Anxiety Solution for her tips and tricks on how best to approach this situation…

It sounds like you aren't as mad at your friends as you are frustrated with where your career is. Instead of silently resenting your friends' success, consider this: according to positive psychology, celebrating others rather than comparing yourself to them can lead to a healthier and more compassionate outlook. Be mindful of not raining on your friend's parade, especially because women, in general, are less likely to talk about their successes. Congratulate them, cheer them on, and practice gratitude that you've got a circle of friends who are supportive of each other!

Now, if you really can't be supportive, take one (or both) of these approaches:

1. Communicate your feelings: if you aren't in a place to celebrate your friends' wins, be honest with them. You might say, "I'm so happy for you! Honestly, I'm dealing with my own career stress that's making it hard to be fully present for others' work wins."

2. Seek advice separately: if you feel stuck in your career, name it with your friends, but not on a day when you're celebrating their success. Instead, say, "I think I'm ready for a career change. I've climbed as far as I can go here. Do you have any ideas for what I could do next"

A big thank you to our YIGC community member for sharing this dilemma. Whilst it sounds like you are in a tricky situation right now, remember that career paths can be winding and nonlinear. Financial success isn't the only measure of a successful career. Your contributions, growth, and happiness are equally important!

Tune into today’s episode with Dr Preeya Alexander to learn more about the (crazy) costs that can come with the fertility journey - whether it be AMH testing, egg freezing, IVF - and how we can better plan for the financial burden that comes with keeping your fertility options open. Trust us, this one’s a goodie!

Until next week,
Maddy and Soph x