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Your Taboo Money Perspectives

If we asked you about the last three people your best friend dated, chances are you could effortlessly reel of their names, spill some juicy details, and even confirm who actually ended things. If we asked for your best friend’s take on recent political events, you’d likely recount the intricacies of your latest conversation shared over a glass of wine. And when it comes to their favourite cultural or family traditions, you’d probably share fond memories of the last time you joined their family for dinner or a celebration.

The saying goes that we should avoid conversations about sex, politics and religion around the dinner table, but in reality this seems a bit out-dated. And yet the one topic that is still actually taboo? Money.

So let us guess, if we were to ask how much money is in your bestie’s bank account, you wouldn’t know the figure, and there’s a high chance it’s something you’ve never felt comfortable asking.

The truth is, we’re doing ourselves a disservice by avoiding money talk. As it turns out, many of us are feeling isolated and left behind due to so much secrecy. So, on this week’s episode of You’re in Good Company, we decided to be completely honest with our listeners…

We’ve been struggling with money recently.

We’re at an age where there’s an underlying pressure to start “doing” things. Big life things! And yet, this feels completely at odds with our bank balances. And so we decided to buck the trend and just be completely transparent, sharing our vulnerabilities, including the actual $$ figures in our savings accounts. Because honestly, who needs two gals preaching “new year, new money habits” when the majority of us are actually just feeling a bit helpless. Doing that only contributes to people feeling more alone, which would make us a part of the problem.

But that’s enough about us… You can hear all that and much more in last week’s episode. This newsletter is for sharing your perspectives. Because as nervous as we were to release last week’s episode, we are definitely not alone. And we have been having the JUICIEST convos in our DM’s all week. So, here they are…

Would you show your friend your bank account? Why or why not?

The vast majority of you said that you would indeed share your bank account with a friend… This surprised us, given the general consensus was that people didn’t know how much their friends had in savings. So the dilemma seems to be that we would show, but we don’t know how to initiate the conversation in the first place.

It’s one thing for us to theoretically agree to this question, but how do we start the conversation or ask the question in a way that creates a safe space, without making someone feel uncomfortable?

Here’s what you suggested…

• I wouldn’t ask, but show vulnerability! Start by sharing yours and see where the conversation leads.

• Talk to your friends about goal setting, and share a target savings figure you have in mind. While this may not lead to a direct response with their savings balance, it can broadly indicate whether you are in a similar savings bracket.

• Ask outright: “I understand this might be an awkward question, but I've been feeling a bit isolated about money lately and not sure where I stand. Would you be comfortable sharing how much you have in savings?” BUT, don’t be disappointed if they don’t want to share - try this approach with a couple of friends.

• I’ve floated the idea of a financial wine club with friends just to talk about getting ahead with our finances… this is definitely a forum where you could bring the question up.

Next up, what did people say about who they’d be willing to share their bank account with?

This is super interesting. If you discovered that someone in your broader circle had significantly more money than you, without knowing the ins and outs of their situation and approach to money, do you think you might feel jealousy or resentment?

Compare this with your bestie who, yes, might have an impressive bank balance, but you’ve experienced first-hand the extra hours they've put in babysitting outside of work or the nights out and holidays they've declined in pursuit of their financial goals.

Context is everything. It raises an interesting question about whether someone simply screenshotting and sharing their bank account in pursuit of “greater information” / “information is power” is actually helpful without this background.

Which brings us back to the legitimacy of the question in the first place…

It’s true, the bank account question may be too narrowly focused. We’d even challenge that it should be extended to those who don’t have a lot of money in their bank account, or investments, but have invested heavily over the last few years on [insert whatever makes you happy here].

Whether it’s travel or moving away, education, therapy, health or wellness - all of these are examples of choosing to invest in yourself in different ways. We should acknowledge that these can be equally valid ways to allocate your money!

Which leads us nicely into our next question about COMPARISON.

But before we do, a quick money update from us:

• Mads: after hustling hard and boosting my savings balance from around $2k to $5k over the last few of months, I got the shock of my life when my latest tax bill came through. Let this be your PSA to double-check that your HECS is being deducted from your monthly pay!! (NOTE: it’s called a HELP Loan for ATO purposes). Unfortunately, mine slipped through, and it hit me as a lump sum. Needless to say we’re re-starting the savings journey from scratch in 2024! Let’s go!!!

• Soph: I’ve moved up to Sydney over the summer which has been a VERY expensive exercise. Paying a bond, upfront rent, scouting furniture, setting up new bills and going to do a shop that had to include all the staples (olive oil, siracha etc.) has cost me $5k+. My emergency fund has gone from $15k to $10k. It’s been a bloody quick drop but no joke, connecting with the community this week has made me feel so much better about it. Some life decisions are just going to cost you, and that’s ok.

Do you feel financially ahead or behind where you expected to be at your age?

Let us set the record straight… almost NO ONE responded “ahead”.
For those few who did, they included caveats tied to sacrificing other valued aspects of their life (e.g. experiences) or cited past negative encounters with money that have made them extra conservative.

One beautiful listener made an incredibly powerful point while recounting a recent conversation with her mum.

There is a very good reason so many of us are feeling like “we’re not where we should be financially by now”… As our listener explained so eloquently, each generation is in unchartered territory, and we can’t look to our elders in the way we are supposed to be able to. Instead, we need to find a way to work through it together. 

So when it comes to actually achieving your savings goal…

This hits home…

How crappy does it make you feel when someone declines an invitation to do something saying that they can’t afford it, then you see on social media a few days later that they’re out to dinner with a group of people.

Social media adds a real complexity to this situation. Maybe that dinner has been planned for months, or their friend is having a hard time and asked for a catch-up... Or maybe they have only budgeted for one dinner out per month. This doesn’t mean that they are straying from that goal, but making (often tricky!) choices about where they allocate their money.

Suggestion: can we all collectively agree to not take it personally if someone says they can’t join due to money? Or even one step further, we reconsider the plans so everyone can participate without feeling the financial pressure?

And finally…

The grass isn’t always greener: someone may look like they are ahead but in reality are struggling just the same

Sometimes we will compare ourselves against a friend that seems that they have their shit together (i.e. for me, you’ve got your shit together if you’ve bought a house), but really, they may be struggling just the same.

From a community member who recently purchased a house: “Interest rates have eaten all of my savings. During the winter our house wasn’t rented and we were paying rent and a mortgage at the same time. I swear to god, I couldn’t sleep at night for 3 months thinking about how to make ends meet…”

Despite appearances, someone may be struggling. As a community, we want to be receptive to everyone’s stress, even if we perceive them as being “ahead”. There are often scary emotions that accompany significant financial decisions, and not acknowledging them just because someone, for instance, bought a house and seems fine, can contribute to greater isolation.

We’re all in this together team, we just might be at different stages of the journey.

Do you have a story about how you’ve been able to make additional income?

This final question came from a desire to shift our mindsets when it comes to money accumulation. It's no secret that salaries aren't keeping pace with the rising cost of living or the lifestyle we aspire to lead.

Let us acknowledge at the top that for some people, the mental space and time required for a side hustle is simply not a possibility. We see you!

But for those of us whom it is possible, we’re aiming to spin the shitty 'can't keep up' feelings into a more positive 'let's make more income' mindset. Nowadays, numerous avenues exist for monetising our skills outside traditional systems. Enter the internet (and, of course, TikTok), our creative skills, and our exceptionally smart and savvy minds!

Consider this your inspiration… The YIGC community’s side hustles:

• Crochet / knit - my goal this year is to publish some patterns online for sale

• Opened an etsy store selling ceramics

• Started an affiliate marketing page last year on TikTok and was actually blown away by it. I spent a good 6 months building up a following (you need some patience) but then in one month I made $6k

• Babysitting!

• My TikTok has been flooded with UGC creator videos, so I’m going to give it a go (if you don’t know what this is, search it on TikTok, it’s a fascinating world out there)

• Drop shipping business

• Selling clothes on Depop and renting dresses online

• Tutoring

• My work did a paint and sip but no one wanted to take the paintings home, so I took them all and used them as canvas’ to paint over and sell on Etsy

• Moving to the UK this year, and the cost of a gel mani is outrageous. So I’m going to try start my own side hustle and do my friend’s gel manis for cheaper 💅🏻

Starting a side hustle, particularly if you are putting yourself out there on the internet, can be scary. But we think we should all be embracing more of a f*** it attitude in 2024 and put ourselves out there.

Let’s leave it on this note: if you see someone putting themselves out there to try earn some extra cash, give them kudos!! Let’s support one another in pursuit of those dollar bills, not tear each other down. And if you’re sitting there with an idea right now, go for it!!! Who knows, by the end of 2024 you could be a proud new business owner.

Team, we feel closer to you than ever before. Go start that money conversation with your group of friends and get yourself ready for tomorrow’s episode with the wonderful Kath Ebbs as we chat how to navigate money in social situations and the importance of valuing yourself as a freelancer.

Lots of love!
Mads and Soph xx