I think my partner has a gambling problem

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Welcome to Money Confessions, where You’re in Good Company community members submit the money dilemmas that oh so many of us are experiencing, yet struggling to talk about.

This week, we’re exploring how to bring up a conversation with your partner about their sports betting habits.

If you’ve got a money dilemma, we’d love to hear from you! Just hit reply to this email or DM us at @yigcpodcast on IG or TikTok and you may just find your dilemma featuring in a future newsletters (anonymously of course).

Mads and Soph!

I've been grappling with something in my relationship and could really use some advice and perspective…

Over the last year or so, I've noticed my partner spending a significant amount of time and money on sports betting. It started with just the AFL when he was watching with mates, but now it’s the NRL, NBA, cricket, netball, horses, darts - honestly anything he can find! And he increasingly does it when he’s alone.

The other day, I came home to him researching stats and odds for the upcoming Olympics and it felt like the final straw. While he insists it's just a social activity and harmless fun, I can't help but feel uneasy about it. Based on current behaviour, I’m worried he’ll be glued to the TV / laptop for the entire two weeks of the Olympics - which I was really looking forward to us watching together, but his obsession really takes the joy out of it for me. It's not just the financial aspect that concerns me, but also the time and energy he's putting into it.

I've tried discussing my worries with him with little comments here and there, but he brushes it off, saying it's no big deal and everyone does it. I'm starting to feel like it's becoming a bigger issue between us, especially when it comes to our shared finances and quality time together.

Any suggestions for how I can bring this up without him just dismissing it or me causing conflict? What is a “normal” level of sports betting that people do with (and without) their mates? I understand that he finds it fun and so I want to find a balance that respects both our concerns and values.

Sincerely,
Just-Want-To-Watch-The-Olympics-In-Peace xx

We need to start by saying that gambling unfortunately can be highly addictive, and although often glorified and normalised in Australian culture, it can and does significantly impact people’s lives. So this is not a subject we take lightly.

Firstly, we hope you know that you are not alone. We recently polled our Money Talks community on this topic (aka the attendees of our recent dinner with Club Sup) and 77% said they had male friends or a partner who they believed had a gambling problem but their friend / partner has no idea how addicted they are.

And this is backed up by the stats… An Australian Gambling Research Centre survey found that 3 in 4 Australian adults spent money on gambling in the past 12 months, and almost half of men (48%) had gambled at least weekly in that time period.

With approximately $239 million spent on advertising for gambling in Australia last year, it really is no wonder that sports gambling has become so prolific in Australian society. We’re encouraged to gamble with our friends, when we’re out, whilst drinking, on our phones. We talk about sports games in terms of the odds, and we proudly share stats and knowledge with our friends and family.

All of this to say, sports betting is a widespread problem in today’s society which at the end of the day, can have catastrophic impact on your finances. Some stories below from the community on how it has impacted their money goals…

So let’s talk about initiating this conversation before the Aussies take to the pool in Paris. First up, a message we received from a male community member on this topic…

We found this perspective both helpful and comforting as a starting point, and it leads us to the next question of how to actually bring up the conversation with your partner.

For more on this, we had a beautiful community member reach out who has recently ended a relationship due to gambling. Here’s their advice for how to raise the topic in a way that is both productive and sensitive to the issue at hand…

Start by asking yourself a couple of questions to establish where you’re at and how you’re feeling…

• Does this amount of gambling align with your values and goals? Why or why not?

• What would you say to a best friend? What advice would you give them? Write it down and re-read it over.

If you’re not sure whether the amount your partner is gambling is “normal” or you’re feeling nervous to bring it up, you can research signs and symptoms of gambling addiction to help you feel more sure of yourself. You can also seek free and confidential counselling as a partner of someone who is or may be affected. The Salvation Army is one resource that is well-equipped and helpful. In particular, they can help you work out communication styles and how to bring it up with your partner.

When you’re ready to sit down and have the conversation, try to talk calmly and softly from your true self about how you’re feeling. Approach with empathy to try to get to what the root cause of what the issue is. You can kindly let them know that it’s affecting you, encourage them to be transparent about it, or set healthy limits.

It can be helpful to reflect together on and try to understand together where the gambling is coming from, i.e. are they bored? Are they trying to escape feelings / get a high? Consider places they can they get more of that in their life in a healthy way.

If you feel like you’re not getting through or not being taken seriously, please let me remind you that gambling can be an addiction. In the more serious cases, proper support is required and it’s not your job to fix them.

Finally, if you feel comfortable telling a close friend or family member that you think your partner might have a gambling problem, it can make you feel less alone. Sometimes it’s helpful to have someone more matter of fact or outside the relationship to provide support.

A big thank you to our YIGC community member for sharing this dilemma… As reflected in our Money Talks poll, this is clearly an issue that is widely felt amongst many young people and so your sharing is greatly appreciated.

It goes without saying, we are not experts on this topic and so for support, contact Gambler Helpline on 1800 858 858 or browse Gambling Help Online.

Tune into tomorrow’s episode on the money convos you NEED to have before (and whilst) travelling with friends, as well as our money saving tips and tricks when we’re joined by Two Broke Chicks co-founder Alex Hourigan.

Until next week,
Maddy and Soph x